Matthew 10:29-31 King James Version (KJV)
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
As I often do, I sat with my coffee in hand today. I had my window open on a beautiful spring day, and I sat reflecting on some things in my life. I often tend to reflect on things in the early morning hours, or at night. It seems as if there is no in between, as I am too busy living life during the day.
As I inhaled the wonderful smell of my coffee, and thought about certain things, I felt a little bit of a panic inside. I have so much going on in my life, that if I reflect too much, I tend to start to panic. Every day I have a running list inside my head...and as soon as I mentally get one thing checked off, another pops up. I had had a productive day on Tuesday, but now it was Wednesday, and I had a million more things demanding my attention.
I thought of the kids' school, and how we were in the end stages of the year. Had I done enough this year? Was I good enough for them? Did they learn enough? Was I raising functioning adults? My son is about to graduate high school. He is down to two books in two subjects, and then he is done. Had I equipped him with enough life skills?
I thought of my church. Was I doing enough as a pastor's wife? Do I encourage my ladies enough? Do I help my husband out enough? What if the church failed because it had a crummy pastor's wife? Did the success rise and fall on me? I am so busy raising seven children and homeschooling them and holding down the home that I don't have a lot left over to give. Sometimes it's all I can do to show up to church on time, and not a frazzled mess!
I thought of our bills. I thought of how hard my husband worked, and all the mouths we had to feed. I started to mentally calculate our expenses, and stack it against the income. I started to panic. Our expenses are pretty low for a family our size, yet it is still a lot of expenses!
I thought of my show, Gently Led Sisters, and a tea I was going to be speaking at this weekend. Did I even have any advice to offer anyone? All I want to do is to be an encouragement- to help other Christian ladies out who need encouraging. Was I enough? Did I even have anything that would help anyone? I am not a great speaker. I stumble on my words a lot, and sometimes I am just not fluent. I write better than I speak. Sometimes my brain gets ahead of my mouth, and I fumble for the words and thoughts I am trying to convey. Should I even try?
All of these thoughts were swirling through my head this morning. As I sat reflecting, I felt panic wash over me. I wasn't good enough, smart enough, or available enough.
But then, through my open window, I heard the chirping of birds. We live on three acres in the country, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Instead of city sounds, we hear birds chirping, the rustling of trees in the wind, and sometimes the sounds of animals. I love country sounds.
I listened to the sounds of many birds- their songs wafting through my open window. It was like a beautiful symphony to my panicking self. As I sat listening, I remembered the verses in the Bible about sparrows. Those verses have often comforted me when I felt overwhelmed with life.
God sees and cares about sparrows- and I am more important than them to him! If he cares about sparrows, he must really care about human beings- ones who are created in his image!
I listened to the birds and thought about how they are flitting around in the beautiful sunshine- happy that winter is over, and busy about their business, all while singing their songs. They don't have a care in the world!
It was like God was telling me, "Silly Cassandra. Panicking over nothing. Haven't I told you that you are more important to me than birds? I look out for the birds, and nothing happens to them that I don't see. If I take care of birds, don't you think I will take care of you?"
I finished the rest of my wonderful coffee, listening to the songs of the birds.
Instead of panicking and feeling overwhelmed, however, I felt peace wash over me.
We would be ok. We always are. My kids would be fine. My church would be fine. Our finances would be fine. I am giving my all in every area of my life, and that's all that I can do. There is only one of me, and I can only do so much.
Every time I hear a bird singing, I remember the verses in Matthew. And it makes me feel loved. I am of more value than many sparrows. You are of more value than the sparrows!
Our Father in heaven sees you, and loves you, and cares for you.
The next time you hear a bird singing, remember that you are of more value than many sparrows, and feel loved.